Facebook, friends and self-esteem

Most of us have them ...

Some of us have thousands, some hundreds, some limit our facebook friends to close friends and family. But what happens when 'friends', comments, likes and dislikes, become an unhealthy source of validation? According to the medicaldaily.com, researchers found that self-disclosure triggers the same brain activity as eating food, getting money, or...sex? I will also share some interesting information from cbsnews.com:

When researchers ask subjects to rank the importance of why they use Facebook, the top three reasons were: to maintain contact (88 percent), maintain their network (83 percent) and read status updates (77 percent).

One of the most interesting findings of the study was the correlation between Facebook usage and self-esteem.

"Results showed that Facebook usage had a significant negative relationship with self-esteem," researchers said in the report. "In other words, the results indicated that users who spend more time on Facebook have lower self-esteem.

But, take those results with a grain of salt. The researchers point out that when they "entered the control variables gender, age, education and income, the relationship between Facebook usage and self-esteem was not significant."

The main difference was between genders. Women tilted the scale in the usage to lowered self-esteem correlation. Meaning, prolonged Facebook usage tended to make women feel less happy and content with their lives. Men, however, were not affected to the same degree.

I think a lot about self-esteem....

I pray for more of it, and I love to see people who have it. But as I think of self-esteem, I think of the things we allow to cloud our self-worth, or opinion of ourselves. As I read the above article about Facebook, several things come to mind. Facebook is a wonderful tool for networking, connecting, and keeping in touch - but as with anything good, too much of it can quickly become..well...not good. Here is what I have come up with:

1. People often have a tendency to compare, compete, and eventually become jealous. Spending too much time reading about the status and updates of our peers can cause unnecessary, (and unhealthy) competition

2. To share is a good thing. Why keep our accomplishments or goals to ourselves? But what happens when our goals and accomplishments go unnoticed, or 'unliked'? This could be another reason why self-esteem could be affected: Sadness and feelings of being overlooked.

3. I admire people who are honest, candid, and feel no need to hold back. I also notice that with Facebook, people overshare. The attention may feel good in the beginning, but what if these people are not your true friends? What happens when you end up the center of gossip? What happens when you are embarrassed about your rants, or you hurt people before thinking about what you post?

So I want to ask you...

What do you think about the Facebook findings?

How do you feel about Facebook?

For people who have become addicted to, or find it more harmful than good - how do you feel about sharing and oversharing?

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Comment by rhonda ramsey on June 13, 2012 at 1:17pm: Thanks so much Kristin!! Its interesting - fascinating to think that someone was probably really feeling bigger, larger than life, to unfriend someone and embarrass them. I guess everything happens for a reason, but it sucks to learn your "friends" are something you never imagined!

Thanks so much for all of the opinions and ideas about facebook!! Its eye opening to examine our reasons for being on fb and to find a way to enjoy it without getting upset at ourselves when people are ignorant, right?

Comment by Kristin Shaw on June 13, 2012 at 12:19pm: Good information, Rhonda. I started using FB when I was new to Austin and didn't know anyone... FB was my lifeline to my friends all over the world, and I was thankful. I used to get involved in political and controversial topic debates, and I found that it escalated and just didn't make any sense to argue with people I haven't seen in 20 years anyway. Then a woman I've known since high school publicly unfriended me and it really pissed me off - I'm a lot more careful about what I say and how I say it. It's a great place for keeping up with my blog and true friends who want to see how my family is doing.

Comment by Brenda on June 8, 2012 at 11:36am: I really don't like facebook however I'm on there to stay connected with some old friends. I use it more to share my blog posts and keep up to date on other bloggers. I've heard of too many people getting upset over facebook, posts on peoples walls, cheating spouses, etc. I renamed it dramabook! :)

Comment by Janiera Eldridge on June 7, 2012 at 9:45pm: I was Leary of using Facebook at first but since i started using it more on the last 6 months i've had nothing but good things with it. My trick is, I don't take it too seriously and I cut who i need to without regret. I had people I thought were becoming my friends and when I published my book I found out who was real. Some people who didn't like my views or complained about seeing them , I cut. It's my page, I don't hold back. I really have the attitude if you don't like it just unfriend me. Most of the people who have I didn't know for a long time anyways so it didn't bother me.

Having one is good for my books, people get to know me their more apt to buy my books. But I never take anything personal like I once did. Just not worth the trouble.

Comment by rhonda ramsey on June 7, 2012 at 3:29pm: Yup. I don't even have facebook right now. I plan to do a author pagefor my books, but my husband has a good point "if they donthave my phone number and can't email me, what do I need to go on facebook and unecessarily dedicate my time for?" Lol.I see wonderful things with facebook and family and old friends -- but id prefer to use it for other reasons. Professionally.

Comment by rhonda ramsey on June 7, 2012 at 3:26pm: It was really interesting, Kate... (the research part)
I agree with you guys. I am bad with superficial friends and small talk - depth and sincerity are beautiful to me. That's where I prefer to invest my energy.

Comment by Nicole Moulton on June 7, 2012 at 12:14pm: I couldn't agree with you more Joanne. I sometimes post on facebook but to be honest, feel like I can be more real here and have deeper friendships here as well....but we are much deeper than a FB status update. Which is nice. I can get hurt feelings from facebook. I think it's natural to feel a little left out at times. But I try to not let it get to me too much. I don't share a tone of things on facebook...I have a wall up there.

Comment by rhonda ramsey on June 7, 2012 at 11:54am: That's so true... about the sea shell collectors. And it affects those who are suffering from insecurities of their own when the collectors are not true friends. Its just interesting because, its sadly another reason to sortof keep your guard up.. these people are not always friends. I guess its good so long as people are in control and not controlled by it. Thanks so much for reading sharing and commenting :-)

Comment by Joanne Gilman on June 7, 2012 at 10:42am: This is very interesting information. I tend not to share so much on facebook anymore, but I do have issues with #2. I try to support and spread the word about endeavors, new businesses or prayer requests when friends ask me to. It really bothers me that out of 141 "friends", I usually get about a handful of responses to my statuses and if I am trying to spread the word about something, I may get 3-5 people who share my status. I figured out some time back that facebook "friends" are not really friends. That is important to remember. Many people who knew you from somewhere long ago will friend you and they will go around "collecting" friends like seashells or anything else you might collect. I think it is those people who have self esteem issues. The number means something to them. Others will mysteriously unfriend you for reasons unknown. It is definitely better not to be too wrapped up in it.